I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
