we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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