I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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