Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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