I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
