Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
