Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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