Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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