As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
