Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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