Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
