Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sober January is a disaster.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
