..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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