is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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