I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Two words: nipple clamps
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