we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
