I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
