how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
