i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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