shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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