i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
