'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
