Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news, I just burned my penis
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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