I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
