I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i will never coherently bang her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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