I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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