You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
