Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
