I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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