I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize