Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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