My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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