I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
me + whiskey = a bad person
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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