haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
