hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
