you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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