That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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