I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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