Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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