Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
