He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
