I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
