when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
