He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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