Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
