when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
