Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize