this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
