Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
