so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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