tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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