Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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