So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
