tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
