he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize