i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
