Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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