Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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