1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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