Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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