he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
