yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
