How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
