How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
