wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
