That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
