I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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