legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
