FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
