dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
